I can’t do this! Or can I?

The year 2004 was one of the hardest of my life. In January, I had a toxic reaction to an NSAID that shut down my kidneys and put me in the emergency room twice. In July, my mother went in for surgery ostensibly to remove fibroids and was diagnosed with extensive metastasized cancer. Her second surgery a few days later precipitated a stroke, and she remained in the ICU for weeks. In August, I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Hodgkin’s lymphoma, a disease that had taken the life of my biological father’s twin sister shortly after I was born. I started an 8-month course of chemotherapy in early October 2004.

The year 2004 was one of the best of my life. In January, I had just started dating the man who would become my husband. Between February and June, we took a private cruise around the Sea of Cortez, went to Puerto Penasco, Mexico with his entire family, and went together to a conference in New Orleans. In July, I moved out of my apartment and in with him. And best of all, in November we bought our brand-new dream house together.

That year, I had dozens of friends and families say, “I couldn’t do that.” Many times, I said to myself “I can’t do this.” But the reality was, I felt that there was no choice. I needed the chemotherapy, even though it felt like slamming my arm in the door over and over for hours. I needed to travel to Washington, and then Virginia to be there for my mom and my siblings, even though my blood counts were low and traveling made me nauseous. It is amazing what we as humans are capable of when we feel we really don’t have a choice.

It seems strange to compare the current situation of school closures to how I felt in 2004. But I have had so many teachers tell me, “I can’t do this!” They say they can’t build a relationship with students through the computer. They say they can’t effectively deliver phonics instruction if the kids are not physically in front of them. They say they can’t do small groups, or student collaboration, or quick checks, or science experiments, or…. The list goes on and on.

As an administrator, the real challenge is letting my teachers come to the realization themselves that they CAN do this, not just because they have no choice, but because they are highly skilled professionals with a passion for teaching and learning. They CAN do this because our students need us, now more than ever, to be the stable forces in their lives. They CAN do this, because to not do it would be unthinkable.

Is it difficult? Absolutely. Will it make us want to scream, or cry, or both? Definitely. Will we feel the need to take longer walks, hug our kids more, or have an extra glass of wine in the evening? Almost certainly.

But we CAN do this. We WILL do this. Because we are strong, and because we don’t have a choice. Our students need us.